Pretty...

I have this dress and I put it on when I want to feel pretty.

It's nothing special.

Just an ordinary dress from cotton on.

But it makes me so happy when I wear it.

This url leads you to it:
http://www.cottonon.com.au/girls/dresses-and-playsuits/VioletTankDress?sId=1930

A note to my Soulmate...

I have a soulmate.

She is one of the most beautiful people I know.

I'm not a lesbian, but it is true.

We are one.

When I'm feeling sad and alone and as if the whole world is against me, this warmth grows and I know it is because I am one of the lucky few who has met her soulmate.

I never EVER imagined that I would met them. I always assumed that my soulmate would probably pass me on the street and be someone I never got to meet, but there she is.

The longest we have gone without speaking is three days. That was a long three days. If I don't hear from her I begin to worry. I don't know what I would do without her.

I love her greatly.

Truly Beautiful

"Somewhere someone is thinking of you. Someone is calling you an angel. This person is using celestial colors to paint your image. Someone is making you into a vision so beautiful that it can only live in the mind. Someone is thinking of the way your breath escapes your lips when you are touched. How your eyes close and your jaw tightens with concentration as you give pleasure a home.
These thoughts are saving a life somewhere right now. In some airless apartment on a dark, urine stained, whore lined street, someone is calling out to you silently and you are answering without even being there. So crystalline. So pure. Such life saving power when you smile. You will never know how you have cauterized my wounds. So sad that we will never touch.
How it hurts me to know that I will never be able to give you everything I have."

- Henry Rollins

Not a great day...

I'm sorry for all the negative blogs... When I get sick depression generally likes to rear its ugly head.

Today has been not a great day and I'm not entirely sure why.

I haven't been sleeping too well lately, especially here in Melbourne, which is odd because I generally sleep like a log here.

So I didn't sleep too great last night, eventually falling into a deep sleep around 4am. I then woke up at 10 and decided to do my online test for Film History. Turns out he's not opening it till tomorrow... So that was a win.

Since I was up I decided to try and write some more of my Performance essay. Got it up to 1000 words. 500 left. So that was another win.

But after that, I don't know. I went a bit down hill.

I showered and went to have brunch and I thought I'd watch Ellen, coz she always makes me happy, but I don't know. Something went wrong in my mind tank and I just started bawling.

So I went back to bed and slept till about 2, but even when I woke up I still felt crummy. So I decided to read my book. That made me feel a bit better.

Then it was time to go to class. So I went... Half an hour in my back goes into spasm.

My back does spasm regularly, but not as bad as this.

So my dear friend Ewan helps me walk to the Medical Centre. I go up to the counter and say my back is spasming and could I perhaps see the doctor. She informs me there are none on duty today, which is my head is retarded anyways. So Ewan goes "Well, can she sit in here for about 15mins while I go get my car?" and this bitch of a woman goes "Well I have to leave at 5". It was about 4.55pm when we arrived.

My face kinda dropped at this point, coz I couldn't even sit inside somewhere warm and it kinda started to upset me and my eyes started to well up and so the bitch goes "Oh, well I suppose the nurse can come look at you" like it's this huge hassle for her. The nurse yells out whats the problem and bitch yells back "A student's got back spasm, but it mustn't be too bad coz she's walking"

That did it for me.

I said "Don't worry about it." and started to walk out, and then she was all "no, no, the nurse is coming now"

I told her I don't want no fucking nurse. Not one where it seems like a hassle for them to do their job.

And so I went outside and I waited for Ewan to pick me up.

And he was lovely and drove me home and walked me up my stairs and made sure I was ok.

So yeah.

Go Team.

My back's still spasming. Fucker.

Anyways, for more positive stuff perhaps check out my tumblr account:

http://www.monilala.tumblr.com/

Love you all

xxxxx

Beautiful...

"I love you. I'm here now. That's all I have."

- Sid

This is beautiful.

This is what I want.

It's amazing what comes up when you type beautiful into google images. These are the top "hits" for beautiful.

I want something beautiful.

I don't even know anymore...

Sometimes I feel so alone in the world it hurts.

I don't know why this feeling creeps in on me. I can be going along fine, then all of a sudden it's like the pit of my stomach drops out and all I want to do is cry.

I hate it.

And I hate myself for feeling this way. I have no reason to whatsoever.

Sometimes, I think I am such a selfish, horrible person for feeling like this. People have so many more important problems and here I am, feeling down and sorry for myself with no good reason to.

What the fuck is wrong with me?