Busy Busy...

This weekend is going to be spastically busy...

Yeah. That's right. I said it. Spastic. That's how un-pc and totally hipster I am.

Anyways... I have been helping out with this school holiday program called Shepp Shed (http://www.sheppshed.com)... What a fucking mistake that was.

Ok, so the people running Shepp Shed asked STAG (The local theatre company I am involved in) to provide some volunteers to help out, which is fine. However, we are then treated like shit, given no respect and expected to dedicate our time to the project. 9.30 - 4 Monday to Friday. Now, clearly the people who are able to help out are on holiday. These people are giving up their free time and what thanks do we get? None.

The other thing that is getting on my goat is that this project has been given $10,000 to fund it... I don't know where the fuck they're spending it all because the Performing Centre for the performance has been rented out for free (something STAG has never been able to do), STAG have loaned all the cotumes and make up to them and the people working there are volunteers. I'd say it's paying for the two people who organised it alls wages and the meals that they go out for every night.

Oh. But STAG are getting a very generous donation of $500. Whoo. Out of all that money, that's all they could spare when we are the ones donating our time and services... It's bullshit.

Anyway, that wasn't really why I was writing this blog.

I am writing to discuss my busy weekend. (wow, that sentence sounds like a business letter)

Ok, so it's Saturday now... So, let's start on Friday...

Friday
8.30am Wake Up
9.30am Shepp Shed Rehearsal
1.00pm Lunch
1.30pm Initial Stages Rehearsal (Another Local Kids Theatre Group I did mics for last night)
6.00pm Initial Stages Performance #1
7.30pm Initial Stages Performance #2
9.00pm Casa (local pizza place) for tea/after party
10.30pm Macca's
11.oopm Drop Jayden home on the other side of town
11.30pm Get home.

Ok, so yeah. That was yesterday... This is today...

Saturday
8.30am Wake Up (for some stupid reason)
12.30pm Shepp Shed Rehearsal
6.30pm Shepp Shed Performance

God knows what time all that shit will finish... I'm leaving straight after performance. I don't care they can pack up all that shit.

Sunday
8.30am Wake Up
9.30am Work
1.00pm Finish Work
5.oopm Watershed Rehearsal
7.oopm HOME!!!!

Girl, Interrupted...

So I watched "Girl, Interrupted" today for the first time in a very long time and it brought up some issues I hadn't thought about for a while.

The major one being a "Borderline Personality"

I have had so many people suggest that I have this, yet I have never done anything about it. They range from friends to doctors. I mean, the doctor said there was a possibility, but I never got it checked out.

I don't know, perhaps I should. Or perhaps there isn't anything wrong with me and I should just leave it and stop being blah.

On my own, pretending he's beside me...

Ever get the feeling you're going to be forever alone?

I do.

I truly truly do.

I know, you'll say "No, don't be ridiculous, you're young, the right guy will come, blah, blah, blah."

But what if he doesn't?

What if I am left to die some withered up women who is completely bitter?

I was singing "On My Own" from Les Mis the other day and I broke down into tears because it is so true. The line that gets me everytime is;

"Without me, his world will go on turning"

Every fucking time.

I feel fat.

I feel ugly.

I feel that no one would ever want to be with me because I am damaged goods.

My head isn't screwed on right.

I'm compulsive, yet I overthink things.

I cry whether I'm happy or sad or angry or any emotion.

I am judgemental, so I keep everything close because I am scared of people judging me.

What kind of guy in their right mind would want to get involved with this?

No one.

Exactly.

*deep sigh*

Ok.

Well.

Now that I've thrown my pity party, I think I might just go and watch a sad movie so I can cry some more.

Inspired...

OK KIDLETS HERE'S THE THING (I don't know why, but I felt the urge to type in caps, deal with it.)

I have been inspired.

Over the weekend, I have had plenty of time to think... PLENTY... some might say too much... and while I have dwelled on things I would rather not, I have also thought plenty of thoughts that are awesome...

So, I was thinking back to my last blog and how I had been inspired by Darren Criss/Starkid (If you don't know Starkid click here >>>>>>http://www.youtube.com/user/starkidpotter?blend=2&ob=4)

Anyways... I was thinking about it and how it would actually be plausable for me to start something similair. I mean, I have all the resources, so why shouldn't I?

I've just got to find people who are willing and able, this is where my Uni friends come in. I haven't told them about this idea yet, but I am sure they would be willing. I've even got an idea for our first show, but I want to float it by them first.

So yeah... this was kinda supurflous... but whatevs...

Peace Out my PeePees...

xxx

You make me feel like I'm living a Teenage Dream...

Ok, so I don't want you to judge me.

But see the guy in the above picture, his name is Darren Criss. He's kinda becoming my idol. A really hot idol.

Ok, so just like, hear me out. It all dawned on me last night when listening to the Glee version of "Teenage Dream" and I started crying.

So, let me explain everything.

Ok, so, um, Darren is a recently graduated university student, his major was theatre (like me). He and some friends while in uni started their own production company called "Starkid" and created musicals such as "A Very Potter Musical" and "Me and My Dick". They posted them on youtube and have created a bit of a cult following. Darren recently got cast in Glee. Glee, is one of my favourite shows. It is what I want my life to be. As an actor, there are so many different roles and shows one wants to be in, but I'm pretty sure I would be eternally happy even if I had like a walk on role in Glee. So yeah, Darren audition via the Glee MySpace and is now on the show. His first episode airs tonight in Australia. His very first song is "Teenage Dream".

Now, you are probably all wondering why I was crying and what the fuck I am doing telling you about Darren Criss. Here's the thing, those tears were tears of happiness;
1. Because I'm a proud mama and all us Starkid Fans are so happy that one of these talented kids is getting an opportunity like this.
2. (and this is the main reason) He gives me hope. It makes me think that if someone who has come from just an ordinary university can make it, perhaps I can too. I mean, in no way am I saying that I am as talented as Darren (I mean, fuck, the boy writes his own songs and shit) but I am an accomplished actor/singer/pianist, so if I work fucking hard at it, I am sure that at some point I will get there.

I am so sure I am going to cry when Darren is on Glee tonight and I don't want to have to explain to my parents the reason why.

The thing is, I have told my parents that in my final year I want to go to Chicago, because there is a great theatre scene and I feel that I am not going to make it here in Australia. They laughed at me. They think it's ridiculous. They think that I will complete my degree, do my dip ed and become a teacher, like they want. Of course, I am going to complete my degree and do a dip ed. I'm not stupid, I don't want to fall flat on my arse, but I want to give acting a real go. This is what I love. Don't I deserve a chance to try? I don't want to live my life wondering what could have been.

I will get that fucking role on Glee.

My Sincerest Apologies

I was informed tonight that I have not blogged since July.

SHAME ON ME!

I got too caught up in being a hipster on tumblr...

But I'm back baby!!

So, I assume you are wondering what I have been up to since I was last on here. Well, let me tell you fuck all has changed.

I have completed my first year of uni though, so that's kinda cool.

But apart from that, I can't really think of anything of importance to report.

In saying that though, I've recently felt myself feeling like I am running out of time. There is so much that I want to achieve and I'm scared that I'm never going to do any of it.

I know that is stupid, but I can't help it. I don't even understand what has brought this on.

I mean, I'm turning 21 next year. 21. What have I got to show for it... nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I just feel like I'm stuck in a rut. Going round and round this endless circle. And not in a cool way like the Lion King's Circle of Life.

I guess what I need to do though is get off my fat arse and do something about it.

Though, I find myself lacking the motivation.

I am lacking the motivation for everything.

It gets me so fucking angry and then I get sad and then I have no motivation. Once again this fucking vicious cycle.

Anyways... I'm moving into a new apartment as we speak, I've started a new job and I'm working on a few different shows. One of which I'm particularly proud to be apart of. So hopefully this will get me out of this lull.

Peace out my peeps

xxx

Oh My Fucking God.

I am so fucking sick of Johnny Come Latelys.

I'm all for discovering new things. That is fine. But don't fucking act like you know everything about it. Don't fake your love for it. If it doesn't come naturally LEAVE IT.

I think I'm having an identity crisis.

I feel like everything I know is being stolen and I am unable to claim it back. I'm clutching at straws because every time I find something that is my own, someone takes it to be theirs. I feel like saying to them "I'm pretty sure that's mine..." instead I say "Oh no, that's cool, you keep it."

Fuck.

Mid-life crisis' aren't supposed to be happening yet.