Girl, Interrupted...

So I watched "Girl, Interrupted" today for the first time in a very long time and it brought up some issues I hadn't thought about for a while.

The major one being a "Borderline Personality"

I have had so many people suggest that I have this, yet I have never done anything about it. They range from friends to doctors. I mean, the doctor said there was a possibility, but I never got it checked out.

I don't know, perhaps I should. Or perhaps there isn't anything wrong with me and I should just leave it and stop being blah.

On my own, pretending he's beside me...

Ever get the feeling you're going to be forever alone?

I do.

I truly truly do.

I know, you'll say "No, don't be ridiculous, you're young, the right guy will come, blah, blah, blah."

But what if he doesn't?

What if I am left to die some withered up women who is completely bitter?

I was singing "On My Own" from Les Mis the other day and I broke down into tears because it is so true. The line that gets me everytime is;

"Without me, his world will go on turning"

Every fucking time.

I feel fat.

I feel ugly.

I feel that no one would ever want to be with me because I am damaged goods.

My head isn't screwed on right.

I'm compulsive, yet I overthink things.

I cry whether I'm happy or sad or angry or any emotion.

I am judgemental, so I keep everything close because I am scared of people judging me.

What kind of guy in their right mind would want to get involved with this?

No one.

Exactly.

*deep sigh*

Ok.

Well.

Now that I've thrown my pity party, I think I might just go and watch a sad movie so I can cry some more.