...

I... I don't like this.

I hate this feeling I'm having right now.

Tomorrow (Monday) is my first day of orientation week. My first day at uni. Sure it's not classes. But it's still my first.

I'm so scared.

I don't want to go. I just want to skip it all.

I haven't felt like this for so long. I don't know what to do. All I know is that I don't like this feeling. I don't like it at all.

I know this is a very short blog, but it is pointless me continuing. It'll just be me saying "I don't want to go".

All by myself...

Remember that song "All by myself"? You know, the song at the start of Bridget Jones? Yeah. That's the one.

That's kinda how I feel right now.

I've finally moved into my apartment today and my parents left for their hotel room about... shit, only a half hour ago? Goddamn, time is moving slow.

Well, at least I feel comfortable here. Like, I'm not scared to be here alone. When I spent the weekend home alone I was shit scared. Every sound was someone breaking in. Not here.

Plus, it's so small, that I can survey the whole place from any where in the room.

That's a major plus... Maaaaaajor plus. Mainly because I'm paranoid that someone is breaking in. Even when Mum and Dad are home, every noise is someone breaking in.

Oh well... I think I'll leave it here.

This is it...

"If I had one chance to freeze time, to stand still and soak in everything... I choose right now" - Newton Faulkner.

So I'm moving tomorrow.

It's really and truly happening. Right now. This is it. Seize the day!

Wow. I mean, I know it's not like it's a permanent thing and I'm gunna be down there all the time, but this is truly it. I'm a grown up now. I have my own place...

Hmmmm... I don't think I like all this adult talk. This means responsibility. Like buying groceries, making sure the fruit doesn't go off, cleaning the bathroom. Well, I can clean a bathroom, but now I'm cleaning MY bathroom regularly, like weekly. Not just every now and again to help Mum out.

Well, I suppose I have only like 15 hours a week of uni. That's like plenty of time to clean... or study... Whatever.

I don't think I'm ready.

Same Same, But Different...

I spent the afternoon with a friend that I used to be really close with today. It was... I dunno...

It was if anything a little bit awkward.

I mean it was nice, but it's not the same as it used to be, and I know everyone changes and both of us definately have, but I find it difficult how we try to act as if nothing is different.

It's hard.

Especially since we quite clearly have different interests now.

It's also made like ten times harder when she contradicts herself. She does stuff that she said she'd never do. She like things she used to hate.

She told me how she had picked up this guy and how he smoked dope which was "such a turn off" but she can't wait to meet up with him again when she gets back.

I dunno. I guess change is hard to deal with sometimes.

Recurring...

I keep having a recurring theme in my dreams. I'd say it occurs at least every second night say.

Anyways the theme is this guy that I know and we are generally doing something of a sexual nature. Never sex, but something leading towards it etc.

Now, I know for a fact that I no longer think of this guy in this way. In fact, I think this guy is a bit of a prick after some of the things he did.

So why the fuck do I keep dreaming about him???

The Doctor...

I did something very silly.

I really disappoint myself sometimes...

I switched on the TV to watch the Monty Python documentary on the ABC. I was slightly early, but thought I'd just leave it on while I pottered around for a bit. This was around 8.20pm.

I, of course, had forgotten that the very last episode of David Tennant as Doctor Who was on tonight. Now, I have these episodes on disc, but had been saving them so that I could watch all the series in order.

Now, I walk in to the lounge room and there it is. His face on the screen. I let out a cry of shock. What was I to do? I couldn't possibly sit down and watch it. I had been so good. I had resisted watching for so long.

So what do I do?







I fucking sit down and watch it.

It was so sad.

I bawled my eyes out through out the last, I dunno 15-20 minutes of it and for probably another ten minutes after it finished.

David Tennant was my favourite Doctor, and I'm not just saying that because he's probably the most attractive Doctor. The other Doctors were all so dull and boring and stiff upper lip chaps. David brought some emotion to the part.

Anyway, I've ruined my viewing.

You know, I would kill to be the assistant to the Doctor, but, BUT, BUT, only if David was the Doctor.

Well, I guess that dreams gone out the window.

Show Off...

Just wanted to show off my mad photoshop skills... That's right people, I have such an exciting and thrilling person I just spent a couple of hours creating this master piece.

Cheers...

BLAH!

Ugh... I feel so blah right now. I think it's coz I'm tired, but because I feel sick I don't want to go to sleep, hence I feel sick and the cycle just repeats itself over and over and over.



So that leaves me sitting on the couch watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall with a cool pack on my shoulders coz it's too cold for my head.



I'm actually not feeling that hot but I've some how got it in my head that if I'm cold I'll feel better.



I dunno...



To top things off I've got a huge mother of a mozzie bite on the back of my left ankle. I've put stop itch on it but that seems superfluous.



You know what? I think I am too pissed off to write this tonight.



You wanna know why?



Becuase....



Actually I'm going to be the bigger person and just let it go.



Whatevs.



Peace Out

x

Come with us now on a journey through time and space...

... To the world of the Mighty Boosh.

Yes my friends I am a Boosh fan...

It amazes me that I haven't mentioned them before... Well not to my knowledge anyways.

I first stumbled across The Mighty Boosh in late 2007 one evening after a night of partying and drinking. Of course, to drunk to go to bed I decided to sit up and watch TV. I flick to SBS and there is this gorgeous man with beautiful hair talking to a coconut.

Now with the state I was in a man talking to a coconut was just a little too much for me, so I went to bed and had vivid nightmares of coconuts attacking me.

When I woke up the next morning, I relived the tale to my parents and told them the show was called The Mighty Boosh and I couldn't wait to see it the next week in a sober state.

I did not realise that I had just witnessed the last episode of the second series, hence when I stayed up late the next week I was quite disappointed. With my dreams shattered I went to bed and placed The Mighty Boosh in the back of my mind. Shelved for a later date.

FLASH FORWARD TO EARLY 2008

It is a regular Monday night. My father and I are watching Mythbusters, as we usually do on a Monday night. Everything is going along fine then BAM an ad containing something that will shape how the future me views the world comes on. That's right people. It was an ad for the third series of The Mighty Boosh, and it was coming on in two weeks. My jaw dropped.

"DAD!! IT'S THE COCONUT SHOW!" I cried!

"OMG I've heard of this show a guy at work says it's really funny!" my father replied!

So, it was set. We were to begin watching The Mighty Boosh in two weeks time.

One thing plagued us though. Would we need to see the first two series to get the first series? It was decided it was, because if there was talking coconuts throughout the series we could know why they were there. So my mission was set, to find the first two series of The Mighty Boosh.

Turns out, it wasn't as easy as I thought. I didn't fully complete the mission only bringing home the second series.

We watched eagerly...

IT. WAS. AMAZING!

Of course we went out immediately to find the first one, on the way we found the third one hence completing the set.

History was made.

It was official.

We were in love with the Boosh.

My obsession of course flourished and I then went on to purchase live DVDs, Books, Radio Show CDs and a T-Shirt.

I heart The Mighty Boosh.

Let me write some quotes that sum up The Mighty Boosh...

"You see the thing is about Gary Numan, he's not just a pop star, he's got a pilots licence!"

Put away those fiery biscuits!"

"C'mon Bollo put your monkey anus up at the steering wheel"

"This is liquid music"

"I don't accesorise, I'm Howard Moon, there's a simple truth to me."

"Trapped in a box by a cockney nut job, have a cup of tea, have a cup of tea."

Ok, so lets summarise some characters:

MAIN CHARACTERS

Howard Moon:

Howard is the straight man of the outfit. His interests are Jazz, Bookmarks, Globe Lights and Pipes (although he doesn't smoke). His sense of style has been related to a "geography teacher from Leeds" and enjoys organising stationary into a village. Howard was once possessed by the Spirit of Jazz and hopes one day to be kissed by a girl.

Vince Noir:

Vince is the rainbow child and King of Sequins. His aspirations are to be in a successful pop band that has an androgynous style. His interests include his own hair, style and face. He is a trusting soul and generally leads Howard astray.

Naboo:

Naboo is a shaman who is highly recognised within the Shamanic council. He enjoys getting high and partying. Naboo lets Howard and Vince generally mooch off him and generally comes along for the ride.

Bollo:

Bollo is Naboo's familiar. Bollo has a very strange and distant past which may or may not include killing his best friend. On weekends Bollo djs at a roller rink.

Bob Fossil:

His anger is colossal. Bob enjoys talking into his talk box and was once the owner of a zoo. Bob has taken on many roles within The Boosh and has a little bit of a crush on Vince. Note to self "he hates whites".

SUB CHARACTERS

These characters show up now and then.

The Hitcher:

The Hitcher is an 'orrible with his cockney accent, green skin and solo polo vision. He enjoys plotting against Vince and Howard and being an all round green menace.

Ol' Gregg:

Ol' Gregg has a mangina. There I've said it. A pale light emits from it. He likes to kidnap Howard.

Rudy Van Disarzio and Spider Dijon:

Member of the band Rudy and Spider, they are psychedelic monks. Rudy is a little bit prudy and Spider, well there's a reason he is called Spider.

The Moon:

He's the Moon, the main moon... and full of wisdom...


There is so much more to say on the Boosh, but I feel it would go on too long.

I will leave it there for now, but one day I shall return.

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to...

Wow. I realised today how insecure I can be.

I mean, I know everyone is insecure and I'm not saying I'm perfect and never get these feelings, but I never realised myself to be like this.

I'm organising a sort of "reunion" for the cast and crew of a show I was involved in last year. I don't have the contact numbers of everyone involved so I invited people over facebook and got the president of the theatre company to send out invites.

However, I am so scared that no body is going to turn up and it's going to be a shit night. I have been checking facebook constantly for updates on who is going and who isn't... Isn't that sad. I am a sad person.

I mean, It's ridiculous... I'm sure people will show up.

Won't they?

Shattered...

So, I told my Mum about my film idea and she just went "Oh, that's you're idea for a film? hmm..." and changed the subject.

Thanks for being supportive Mum, way to go. Whoo.

I find this a lot. I mean, my parents are loving people and I wouldn't change them for the world, but I tell them something that actually is meaningful to me, or something revealing about the way I feel and they just shoot it down.

If she didn't like the idea she could've just lied and said "That's nice" or "Sounds great, with a bit more workshopping you may have something".

I find it just shattering.

I remember I had an idea for a book. It was a sort of sci-fi based thing and it was about this guy who gets sucked into this different dimension of mirror through his TV and the evil guy is sucking everyone through so that he can create a huge army and how the good guy tries to save his younger sister from the same fate etc etc etc, and I was really excited because I had had a dream about it the night before. Anyways, I told Mum and she just went "Well if you think that it's good..."

Well of course I think it's good, why would I tell you I want to write a book about it if I didn't?

Anyway, I found it quite discouraging and of course never wrote the book.

I know you'll think well that's not a reason not to go through with it, but when your mother doesn't even support you you kinda think "Well, what's the point".

Silly...

I looked down at my dog before and thought "Aw, I won't have Minnie in at night when I move" and I got really upset about it.

What a stupid thing to get upset about.

It's so silly.

I'm home alone this weekend for the first time. Well, for the first time in my own house. I'm a little scared. It's supposed to be a test run for when I'm living by myself.

It's funny how the little things are the ones that are upsetting me the most. Like I won't have a chair to put my clothes on in the bathroom. My head then goes "It doesn't matter! You live by yourself! Just shut the curtains! Duh!", but it seems the smaller changes are going to be the harder ones.

The move itself is not really bothering me, it's more the fact that I'll have to take public transport, I don't know what tram route I need to get on, Do I need to bring my laptop to my Pixel to Print lecture? If I don't will I be the only one? If I do that means I have to lug it all the way to Uni, My laptop only has 1hr battery life, the lecture is 2hrs, When I go to JonJon how far away is Rod Laver? Will I have to take a taxi? Will it cost me an arm and a leg?

Hang on a sec!!

Back Up!!

Hold the phone!!

Grab a banana!!!

My fellow bloggers your eyes do not deceive you, I did type correctly. I will be going to see JonJon on Monday May 3rd 2010 at 7.30pm at Rod Laver Arena, Melbourne, Victoria, Australia, The World, The Universe...

Now for him to meet me and fall madly in love. I'm sure it'll happen.

I've also just decided I'm going to miss my couch.

Girl...

Ok, so I know I was supposed to blog last night about the super awesome film idea I've had, but I was all excited coz House was on and then I watched Never Mind the Buzzcocks and then yeah, never got there.

So, here I am to right the wrong I have done.

My idea is based around a group of teenagers in a small town (a cross between Swan Hill and Shepparton) and the society that is growing within the small town. The plot would mainly rotate around a girl around 18 studying for VCE and how the group that she hangs around with, although popular, they're idea of a good time is not necessary civil. They do drugs, drink excessively, bully others and generally break the law. This girl, while wanting to maintain her rank within the school, also wants to do something with her life and realises hanging around with people like this isn't going to help.

The film would also follow Girl's (I'm yet to name her) boyfriend, boyfriends friends (these would be seen collectively as a group), Girl's best friend, Girl's father.

I guess it is a lot like Skins.

I dunno. I need to workshop it more. Will keep you posted.

Distraction...

Ok, so I will apologise for not blogging over the past few days. I have had so very little to write about that I thought it was worthless writing about what I'd done. I have had very little thought process happening.

Anyway, I did have this totally mad as film idea I was going to spruik on here tonight, BUT I have been distracted because I just saw Robert Downey Jr with long hair. LONG HAIR PEOPLE!!!!! That's right! You read correctly.

Nothing is sexier than long hair.

Nothing.

Well not all long hair because like some is pretty feral.

So like my blog tonight is just males with long hair, because, well because I can't really concerntrate on much.

I promise tomorrow I shall tell my great movie idea.

C...

Cunt.

That's right folks, I've said it.

Cunt.

I love that word...

C-UH-NNNN-TUH!

It just cuts the air. Way better than fuck or shit or arse or piss.

Cunt.

I think that's why people find it so offensive. I mean the fact that it mean vagina couldn't possibly be offensive? could it?

The word fuck has become such a throw away word these days. Cunt is the new fuck.

I reckon this would be the scale of swear words:

Minor Offence

Crap, Poo, Banana, Wee, Cock, Fadge

Moderate Offence

Shit, Piss, Arse

Major Offence

Fuck, Cunt

I would say that is the way to grade swearing. Coz I'm like the official spokesman of swearing, alright? So what I say goes.

Word.

Niceness...

What a lovely day I have had!!

I got to have lunch with my absolutely wonderful friend Deb. I cannot sing her praises enough. Just love her. On top of that got to see JonJon (no, not the ever gorgeous John Mayer), but it was lovely to catch up briefly with him.

On top of that I had tea with one of oldest friends Sarah. I heart her so much, I'm pretty sure I'll end up smothering her. She even bought me a going away present, which was so unnecessary, but soooooo appreciated. It was the True Blood series books. Helllls Yeah!!!!

She wrote this gorgeous card for me, which got me all teary and emotional and then of course I got embarrassed because it was the middle of the restaurant and just ugh.

I don't want to leave.

Hurty gurty gurty bjork bjork bjork...

Muppets...

Yes, you read correct, I typed Muppets.

I love the Muppets.

And I think I've worked out why...

They scare me.

I love that feeling of being scared, which is a retarded concept, but true.

It's why I do most things. Why I walk outside in the dark, why I watch scary films, why I invent ridiculous theories as to what is making that noise outside my window (tonight it's someone rubbing a knife against the window).

I remember them scaring me even when I was a kid. My Aunty recently reminded me of a couple of years ago when I was staying at her house and stayed up till midnight to watch the Muppet Show on the Disney channel, after watching for about 20mins I informed her that it was creeping me out and that I couldn't watch anymore. I then proceeded to go to bed and had awful nightmares about Muppets and stayed up the rest of the night in the lounge room with the TV going because every time I slept I dreamt of Muppets. My Aunty found me the next morning in a huddle position on the couch with very blood shot eyes.

I probably won't sleep tonight because of this.

I love the Muppets.

Busy Busy...

Well... Today was busy as!!

First I had to get up at 6:20am...yes that is correct... AM!!! So that we could travel to Melbourne at 7.30am, so we could be there for an appointment at 10am so I could sign the lease of my apartment.

So first of all... I do not deal well with early... At all... I'm not the happiest of people to be around. Secondly, we were taking the blue car, which I can't drive, so it's totally boring. Thirdly, I get travel sickness and my Dad would have to be the worst driver ever. Not that he's unsafe or anything like that, but he has no idea that it's his constant heavy braking that is making me sick not the traffic. It doesn't matter how many times I tell him this. It makes no difference.

So after all this and all the disgusting traffic, my father refuses to believe my mother in that we have missed the street turn off, we, of course, get lost and now an hour late to the appointment. Luckily the real estate agent was very nice and we were still able to sign all the papers.

We then get to the apartment and realise just how disgustingly dirty it really is. So we spend forever cleaning this. All the time I haven't eaten since 7am when I had a single slice of toast, coz I'm scared I'll throw up in the car. So it is now 2pm, and my mother and father decide to listen to me and awe go and get lunch.

We went to "the Glen" which is possibly the best shopping centre EVER, but of course we can't stay because I have stupidly said I will direct a ten minute play and have a meeting tonight at 7pm to decide which one I will do.

So we leave at 3pm, my father gets completely flustered because we're going a different way home, even though we've got a Navman.

Anyways... The point is... I don't think there was a point... I don't know. It's too hot for my brain to function.

Interesting...

Hmmmm...

I found this girl I used to go to primary school with on Facebook. She has gone completely feral. COMPLETELY. Mind you, I'm pretty sure she was a bit feral in primary, but she had the potential to turn her life around. She was quiet, polite and quite smart if I recall.

I think she's about two years younger than me.

When I was in primary school a friend and I used to tease this girl. It's not something I'm proud of, believe me. It was an awful thing to do. I think the only reason I did it was because I used to get teased a lot, so it seemed only fair at the time that I tease someone younger and more defenceless than myself. Anyway, we were quite horrible to this girl.

I used to see her around from time to time when I was in high school. She was always doing the whole "moody teen" look. You know the one. Greasy hair, heavy eyeliner etc etc.

I now know a girl who is in the same year level as her. She informs me that this girl drinks about a bottle of vodka a day, smokes pot, shoots up and is an all round down and outer.

I can't help but wonder if maybe it was because of me. I know it's silly. She had a bad family life etc, but what if instead of bullying her I extended the hand of friendship?

Aaaaaaaaaand Scene...

Ok, once again not a great blog, but I've been doing nothing all day.

So I thought I'd just talk briefly about a scene which over like the past, oooh I dunno, 24 hours say, has been cracking me up non stop.

Ok, so it's taken from the film "The Singing Detective"

Robert Downey Jr plays an author who has a very bad skin condition and is basically unable to move. He has a very bad temper and quick wit.

Katie Holmes plays a nurse who is about the only person nice to him in the hospital.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand action!

Ok, so Katie walks in and Robert is sort of spouting gibberish to her about his book. He then begins to notice that she is putting on rubber gloves in a very seductive way. Robert swallows hard and says "I suppose you're here to grease me", Katie nods and says "I'll undress you now, I'll try not to hurt".

So she progresses to strip him. At this point once his pants are removed Robert becomes aware of just how pretty Katie is and what she is about to do. His inner monologue begins; "Cock, do not crow! Cock do not stir!" While this is going on it cuts to Katie who begins to unscrew the lid of the cream. The inner monologue continues "Think of boring things... The Mormon tabernacle choir...." Katie begins to coat her hands with the cream and begins to rub his legs "...presents selections from "The Sound of Music"... Old Baseball Players... Nine grain toast with.... ugghhh... reduced... sugar... marmalade". Roberts face contorts to pain as he concerntrates hard.

Katie then interrupts "I'm not hurting you am I? Not too hard?" "No, not too hard" "It's particularly bad here in your inner thigh"

Roberts inner monologue continues, Katie interrupts again "I'm going to have to lift your penis now to grease around it"

We see a flash of white light and Robert is now in his hospital bed surrounded by beautiful women and Katie wearing white lingerie singing "Mr Sandman"

It then cuts to Robert without his skin condition riding out in a big pink Cadillac with these women all around and Katie with her arms around him. Skin conditioned Robert continues to watch from his hospital bed with a look of sheer joy on his face.

As the song continues, Katie and Robert begin to kiss and Katie's hand wanders down to his belt. She undoes it and repeats the line "I'm going to have to lift your penis now to grease around it" except this time it takes on a whole new meaning.

As the dream continues it cuts to more and more shots of the women dancing and the car symbolising the phallus. Eventually we see more and more shots of the exhaust pipe, till BANG we see a big shot of white steam come out of the exhaust.

Cut to Robert back in hospital bed. His eyes open wide. A look of shock on his face. He looks up at Katie. Her eyes are wide. She goes for the tissues and begins to clean up.

Robert: "I'm sorry about this. It's the only part of my body that still sort of functions"

Katie: "Do we have to talk about this?"

Robert: "No"

END OF SCENE

priceless...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NNKRmKH-CE4

Jon Jon...

*Sigh* JonJon...

I don't think I've ever mentioned JonJon in my blog before, which is a surprise, coz I like hear him almost everyday.

JonJon is amazing. JonJon is beautiful. JonJon is...

Well... JonJon's mine, so y'all can fuck off.

Hmmmm... Should probs mention who JonJon is.

JonJon is of course John Mayer.

He is such a talent.

My fave JM song would have to be "Edge of Desire" although it is a tough choice. I just love the lyrics for it:

"Don't say a word just come over and lay here with me, coz I'm just about to set fire to everything I see, I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe, there I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me"

My fave part of that is "I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe"

He has so many amazing lyrics though. I couldn't possibly write them all.

Anyways, tickets for his Australian tour are coming out soon. Look out JonJon, here I come.

(bahahahahaha that could totally make a great double entendre of a joke)

Night

xx

Rotoscope...

Okidoke kids, lets learn something tonight.

Tonight's topic is rotoscoping.

Ok, so rotoscoping is a type of animation technique where animators trace over live action film movement frame by frame. It is a painstaking technique which takes around 350 man hours for each one minute of film.

This technique was first invented in 1915 by Max Fleischer. Disney adapted this technique and used it in Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs and Cinderella, although he did not use it to create the whole film. This technique also employed for the Beatles ever famous "Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds".

Now, the whole reason we learnt this today is because I watched the film "A Scanner Darkly", which is an adaptation of Phillip K. Dick's sci-fi novel. It's an interesting concept. A highly entertaining series of events in these peoples sad drug addled lives.

Whatever...

I apologise for the shit blog in advance. It's hot and I'm tired.

Ok. So, the student housing place accepted my application and I now have a place to stay. Whoo.

I've looked up my minor electives for my course. Can do art/photography. Whoo.

My copy of "The Singing Detective" came in today and instead of costing me $30, it cost me $10. Whoo.

Ok. That's it.

Whoo.

Night

xxx

PS. "The Singing Detective" = Awesome. One possible flaw, should've got cast to sing instead of original artists, but whatevs. Still good.

x

Creepy Tom, Creepy Tom Tom...

First of all:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=monique

Check it out.

Secondly, had an "oh my God" moment tonight. I had been out to see my aunty and I was going out to the car right? And my aunty goes "hey that looks like a snake!" pointing at what looks like a stick. I laugh, thinking what a hilarious joke, right? So I move in for closer inspection and I go "Shit, that is a snake!" and take a couple of steps back. Which puts me in to a very sticky predicament. The vernadah is too far away, but to get into the car I have to walk around in the dark. I took the car option. So Aunty calls for Uncle and he comes out kills it etc. but now I feel all creepy. All the way home I thought there was a snake in the car. Dad laughed at me, but man, I've seen snakes on a plane. I know how this shit works.

Anyways. Imagine if I'd stepped on it??

PS. For those playing at home. It was a baby tiger snake.

Dial M for Murder...

NOTE: I do not condone this behaviour, nor do I have any intention of following through with anything I write down here. These are specifically thoughts only.

Ok.

Are we sitting tight?

Hmm.

Ok.

Right.

Well.

Ok, so I've been watching a lot of crime movies and I've come to a slightly alarming conclusion. I think murder would be really easy to get away with.

I mean, I'd never ever ever ever ever ever ever do it! Plus there is no one I could ever dream of murdering (except a cheesecake boom tish).

There are all these unreal ways you could do it.

I'd always thought that if I had to I would crush up a mixture of pills and mix it in a drink so it looked like an overdose.

But then I think, well why not put a plastic bag over their head, pull the trigger, burn the body.

I dunno.

I think I'd probably chicken out. Well, not probably. I would most definitely. I couldn't do that. Not unless it was an extreme situation. Like taken hostage. Even then I don't think I could.