Fucker...

There is this guy who had shown extreme interest in a dear friend of mine. He had told her many things; Things about the future, things about himself, things about her.

Now, my friend, being the lovable person she is, fell for this boy. He was perfect. Everything she was looking for. She fell hard.

This guy typed this as his facebook status tonight:

"Out on a boring date! Help!"

Here's a little interesting side note. He was not out with my friend. My friend was at home, innocently surfing the net.

She then checked her twitter. A friend of his had posted this

"(Guys Name) you are horrible. Why did I kind of not really fall for you."

This was posted just after his status.

So here is my question...

Why are guys such jerks?

Girls, beware the Dave Muir. He fucks with you all.

Moo-lah...

I hate not having money. So here are some things I think if I didn't have to pay for I would save a lot of money on...

1. Food

OMG if I didn't eat I would be a millionaire. All my money seems to go on food. I have about $20 a week to buy groceries, so I hardly eat anyways, but man, I would love that $20.

2. Metcard

I use the tram to travel to uni and back. Now I make around 10 trips to a from Uni a week. So I buy a weekly Metcard. That costs me $20.20. Of course if I wasn't so lazy and paid for my concession card it would cost less. So I shouldn't really complain because it's my own fault... But still...

3. Phone Credit

TELSTRA! STOP BEING BASTARDS! LOWER THE RATES! I'd go on a plan, but I've got no fucking money!!

4. Internet Credit

Well... See above... Except change Telstra to Virgin...

5. Postage

I've been writing a lot of letters etc. 55c a stamp. FIFTY FIVE CENTS! Fucking ridiculous. Should be like 10c.

So... If I cut out all this stuff, I'll have money for the important stuff like clothes...

Green Eyes...

So I discovered something tonight. Jealousy does not suite me.

I'm generally never a jealous person, but wow tonight I was feeling it.

You see, there's this guy I like. Well, probably more than like. It's been like this for a few years. I always think I'm getting over him, then I see him again and BAM I like him again.

He once sung "Hey There Delilah" to me. It was beautiful.

He is a little bit younger than me though. He's like three years younger, which sure doesn't sound that bad, but when you're 20 and he's 17, it does sound a little creepy.

ANYWAY... I saw him tonight for the first time in at least six months. Anyways he was really lovely and everything was going really good and then I thought well it's probably time I went back to my friends, because I had been missing for a good 20-30minutes by this point. So I went back blah blah blah and then I looked back over and I see him dancing with this girl.

Nobody else was dancing, but they were. The feeling that came over me was unbelievable. It was soul crushing. I saw them sort of flirting a bit and was just so absolutely devastated.

So for a good 15-20mins I was feeling this. Every so often I would look over, but in the end I had to stop because it hurt to much. I hated that slut so much. I mean, I didn't even know her, but I wanted to hurt her so bad.

I have never ever felt like that. Ever.

And then the most wonderous thing happened. The boy's friend came over and gave her this huge hug and they started making out and I realised that she wasn't with my guy.

The relief that flooded over me was unbelievable. I mean, I had been feeling physically ill before. So with that confirmed I began to enjoy the concert more and was able to concerntrate.

A little bit later I began to get that feeling that someone was staring at me. You know when you just get that feeling. So I looked around and saw that he was looking at me. As soon as we made eye contact he looked away. But he wasn't looking at me like I was some awful person or anything. It was a loving and kind look. It was bliss.

I repositioned myself so that I could see him in my peripheral vision and I caught him looking at me constantly. I have never been so happy. Eventually I had to look over at him and the smile that he gave me just beamed. And he winked.

I know it's so stupid that I've got so excited over this, but it really did mean a lot to me.

Eventually he went over to his parents and I was in a conversation with other people. I was getting cold by this point and was rubbing my arms and sort of moving my legs to keep warm. I felt him looking at me again and looked over and he motioned towards his jacket and said "Do you want it?". That made my heart melt.

*sigh*

Eeeeeeeek!!!

Ok, so I'm like so pumped today!!

Last night I found out I won tickets to a screening of Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring at Crown!!!!!

I have been wanting to see this at the cinema for seven years! SEVEN YEARS!!

Yes. That is correct. I am a LOTR fan.

So much so I have a LOTR ring and have considered for many years getting a tattoo.

I missed the first one at the cinema because I was being stubborn and didn't want to see it because it was beating Harry Potter in the box office.

Yes, I am that lame.

But once I saw it, I just, I was speechless. I still am.

It consumed me. I was Gollum.

I read the books, I got the posters, I bought any magazine which showed anything to do with LOTR.

I pre-ordered the DVDs. I even scrimped and saved to buy the extended editions.

I did projects on it in school.

You name it I did it.

I was that kid in school who related every situation back to LOTR. Much like a geek does to Star Wars... (wait, I do that too!).

I still have the film posters framed above my bed.

I still lay claim that I introduced the hotness of Orlando Bloom to my friends and when I did they all thought him to be ugly. So there! HA! Guess whose laughing now? (Probably them).

But I don't care, because I have my tickets and it's gunna be the best thing ever.

Silly...

Ok. I know I'm being silly, but for once I would like some attention from the opposite sex. And not just like some guy leering at me down the street. Proper attention.

I want a guy to like me. To send me cute texts. To want to go to the cinema with me on a Saturday night. To just hold me.

I would kill to just feel a man against me. To pull me in and hold me tight. Never wanting to let me go.

That is what I want.

Swapsies...

So, it came to a very awkward situation yesterday.

Yes, I swapped numbers with someone. I have committed to someone to make an actual friendship with someone from uni.

Why is it always so awkward? Once you sort of get past about 17, 18, it is just embarrassing doing that number swap. Especially when you're not in that drunk state. You're just standing there thinking, "Hmmmm... Do I ask for their number? Or should I ask if they want mine? Maybe I can just sneak it into their phone?"

And you all may laugh at me, but you all know it to be true.

Then once you've got it, when is appropriate to text them? I go for the right that very second attitude. Then it's done and now they've got your number.

Now, on thinking about it, it makes me seem a little bit of a geek.

Anyways, it's done. We need never speak of it again.

End of Transmission.

Quotation...

"Nobody's life template will ever lay evenly over yours. And in those times when they clash completely, you have to walk alone, with confidence that you're creating your own template, made of your out of your own instincts and your own dreams and your own goals." - John Mayer

Wise words.

Down...

Ok, so I don't want to be the girl that whinges and whines, but I feel so down.

It's just come over me all of a sudden and I don't know whether I'm tired or hormonal or what it is, but it can just fuck off.

I'm just so alone. I mean, I have friends at uni and people who have moved here and stuff, but it's so fucking hard to get anywhere in Melbourne. I want a car, but no. My father says it's too dangerous. I'm gunna have to ride a tram at 9pm on a Sunday night with all my possessions by myself once a week and he's worried about me driving? And then there's the walk from the tram stop to my flat. Fuckin nice one Dad.

I feel like I'm struggling and I don't want to be struggling. I don't want to be the country girl who finds it hard in the big city. I've fucking wanted this since I was 11 and now I'm here and I feel like I can't do it.

And I'm too scared to even tell my parents that I'm having trouble adjusting because I don't want them to think I'm failing. They've given up so much for me to be here and I don't want to fuck it up on them. I'm the first Sangster to move to Melbourne and go to Uni. I'm the second Siely to move and go to Uni. Do you know what that pressure is like?

I just want a familiar environment. I mean, I love my little place. It's wonderful, I can do what I like, but sometimes I just want to sit on the couch or sleep in my own bed.

And I can't just see anybody at anytime or think "hmm, might just duck down the street" or "hmmm, might just go to the cinema". It's a fucking hour to get into the city. AN HOUR. On top of that I generally get travel sickness. I want that fucking car.

I hate this feeling.

Fate...

Ok, so like, I'm pretty sure it's fate.

I was sitting here, by myself and I was watching Scrubs, but I was getting a little bit sick of it (It sounds impossible to be sick of Scrubs, but it happened to me tonight).

Anyways, it was probably around twenty past six and I was thinking to myself "Well, what the hell can I watch now?". So I flicked open the TV Guide (yes, I always have a TV guide) and saw that "ALF" was on. I love "ALF", yes it's old and dorky, but it reminds me of when I was a kid and my Dad and I used to hire it from the video shop around the corner from us.

So I flick to 7two and am watching the last ten minutes. It is then that I realise that I will still have about another hour to fill before "Talking About Your Generation" comes on. So I re-open the TV Guide and see that 7two has a film on called "Back to School". It sounds pretty lame (I know I have only gone off the title, but whatever). So I think "Ugh, I'll just go back to Scrubs" when BAM!!! An ad comes on for "Back to School".

Guess who is in it?

No, just guess.

Yep, that's right.

Robert.

Fucking.

Downey.

Jr.

It was meant to be.

Yep. Pretty sure we'll get married.

Yep. Pretty sure I've become one of those freaky women you hear celebrities telling stories about. You know the ones "and she had sent me a star chart basically telling me that we should be together."

Yep.

What to do now?

I'd like to start with a quote...

"I think that the power is the principle. The principle of moving forward, as though you have the confidence to move forward, eventually gives you confidence when you look back and see what you've done." - Robert Downey Jr.

What a wise man.

I've come back to Melbourne today after a week on the couch at home.

As much as I HATED being sick, I want to be back on that couch.

It's really hit me today that this isn't just some little jaunt to Melbourne for a week or so. This is it. This is what my life has become. I'm moving into the next phase of my life.

I really need to move forward, but I am finding it so hard. And it's not that I have to make friends or that the classes are too hard. It's just the fact that it is change and I don't deal with change too well. I get flustered if I have to change my shower routine.

I want to be back on that couch, watching TV and mooching off Mum and Dad.

I think if I had a couch here I'd even feel moderately better. I don't really have anywhere that I can just sit and chill out. I'm either at the desk or at the table or on the floor, none of which are moderately comfy or suitable for an afternoon nap. I know I have my bed, but I don't really enjoy sleeping on there during the day or using it as a substitute for a couch.

I think once I go back to classes I'll settle easier.

Ummm... is it awkward yet?

Look at that picture! Look at those grey flecks! Aren't they cute? They are cute.

I had decided to change my desktop picture and I found this.

I showed my Mum and said "look at how hot those grey flecks are!" and my Mother just stared at me and felt my forehead and said "Oh sweetie, you must still be sick".

Yes, this is what I'm doing to fill my time...

Original Image

Digitally Manipulated Image

Doctor Doctor...

So I went to the Doctor yesterday.



My all time biggest fear (well apart from moths and birds).



I had to go by myself. I hate doing this. I don't want them to come in the room with me, I just need someone to sit in the waiting room with me, coz... well just coz.



I get so scared when I go to the doctor. I was shaking. Literally shaking (or could've had something to do with me having a fever, but I think it was because I was scared).



Anyways, I have a slight fever which means it's either coming or going. I have a rattle in my chest, my sinus' are tender to touch which means it's moving into there, I have hot and cold flushes, light headedness when I stand too long and a constant drip of phlegm down the back of my throat.



Which means I need... REST.



Yep. Just love it.



She has told me to take double the antibiotics I take to ward off infection and to keep up the cold and flu tablets I'm taking.



So, yeah. Awesome. Now I can feel like shit and miss out on classes and fall behind... Sweet.

PS. Bahahahahhhaa! Did you get it? I said I'd been to the doctor and I posted a picture of "The Doctor". Oh I'm hilarious.

Urgh...

So it's official.

I am sick.

Not like in the head sick. I think we all know that, especially with my "Silver Fox" fetish.

I have a cold.

I haven't had one in ages... like I dunno... Six months... That's a long time for me.

I feel awful and I have this huge guilt hanging over my head coz I'm going to miss class tomorrow. It's only my second week and I'm missing classes. How lame am I?

Anyway... I've been watching a lot of Sex and the City lately and it just makes me depressed. I mean, I love the show, don't get me wrong, but I look at them all and I can't help but feel jealous.

I'm jealous of everything. The shoes, the clothes, the lifestyle, the men. Everything.

I think I find it even harder because I am single and I do not have the flow of men coming in that they do.

I know it's silly to compare life to a TV show, but it's hard not to.

And I understand that I'm not the most attractive person in the world, but jeez, I'm not hideously deformed either.

To make matters worse I just found out that a guy I used to go to school with just got married. Not that I want to get married, but this guy is a drop kick, douchebag, dickhead, prat and he could still get someone. He's not even attractive!

ARGH!

I don't think it helps that I have unrealistic expectations of men. I mean, in my head the perfect guy is a cross between Mr Darcy/ Aidan/ Edward Cullen/ Jacob Black with the looks of Robert Downey Jr. It's just stupid to expect this super man to come along.

I just get sick of being alone. Especially when you see everyone with a someone.

Boys Boys Boys...

So I was just watching Sex and the City and it came to the episode where Carrie goes on a date with her high school sweetheart played by David Duchovney...

God damn he is hot.

I know this is a lame thing to be blogging about, but there is something so attractive about an older man.

I mean I'm not talking about like an old fart with man boobs. Like a well kept older man. Very sexy.

The thing that scares me is that it's not just celebrities, but like men walking down the street, men I meet, etc etc etc.

Sometimes I sicken myself... well... not really. Not over this anyway.

So, whatevs, here's some piks.

Um... awkward...

So, I went to this thing tonight and I had a very awkward thing happen.

Um, ok, so there's this guy I know through STAG, he's 31 right? And so like he generally makes a lot of in appropriate comments, but you know you laugh at them and make them back and never really think anything of it.

Well... Tonight, I was trying to give him a used cup as a present but he wouldn't take it, so I was trying to like force it onto him and he pulled me into a hug and said "are you sure there isn't anything else you'd like to give me?" and in my head I was like "What the fuck? Here we are talking about cups and you spring this on to me?" and so I said "What?" and he pulled me in tighter so I could sort of um... feel "everything" and he goes "Are you sure there's nothing else you'd like to give me??" and he gave me one of those looks, you know the one. So I said "Uhhh, no." and he goes "Are you sure?" and I said "Yeah I'm 100% sure" and he laughed and pulled away and said "100%? Wow, can't get more rejected than that!" and he laughed again. So I said "yep, all I'm offering is this cup, it's free!" and he said "The other wouldn't cost you anything" and I was like "it might" and he said "no it's definitely free" and I said "no, it would cost me" and he's like "what would it cost you?" and I said "my reputation OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHH!!!" and I laughed really loudly.

Anyways, he goes "oh, that's harsh!" and I said "you've got to admit it was a good one!" and he did and we hi-fived.

So, like that's really it, but why would he do that? We had a perfectly fine friendly relationship, where there was never ever any sort of seriousness to the conversation EVER, and I never made those types of remarks about him.

Why do guys think they can do that sort of thing? Now the friendship, to me, is awkward.

Soapy...

Ok, so how awful am I for not blogging?

I've just haven't had all that much to say I guess...

But I totally did a really exciting thing... I finished watching Soapdish. Awesome film!!

It's set on the set of a daytime soap and it follows the lives of the people on it. It's a hilarious film. Has a great cast as well:

Sally Field

Kevin Kline

Whoopi Goldberg

Robert Downey Jr (need I say more?)

Interesting side note, Robert had a couple of pimples.

Anyways, I don't really have much else to say, was just pretty pumped bout the film.

Here I am...

It's almost 3 in the afternoon and I'm doing laundry... Whoo.



I had to be a



I just found a voice mail from my Mum on my phone and I got all teary. What the fuck is wrong with me. I've been getting teary over everything the past two days. I can't be PMS coz I'm not due for another two weeks.



I'm just so fucking tired.

O...

So... I totally survived! YAY!

Actually, as soon as I got to the tram I was fine. I don't know why I was so worried in the first place.

So... I'm pretty sure none of you are interested, but I want to document my day somehow, so cyberspace seems as good as anywhere.

I apologise in advance for the length. I completely understand if you don't hang around.

Ok, so I woke up at 7.30am which I was thoroughly annoyed at coz I had set my alarm for 8am. So I lie there with my eyes shut for about 20mins hoping to fall back asleep. I was unsuccessful, so I got up and opened my curtains. I put on the "Today Show", got back into bed and watched the news.

After about 20mins of that I decided I was hungry so got up and made breakfast. Slight side note here, I'm really pissed off about the set up of the apartment, because I have to have to range hood fan going just to make toast or else the fire alarm goes off. Not happy.

Anyways, so I went and had a shower and got dressed. I had to empty my bins, so I walk all the way downstairs and when I get outside it is FREEZING, so a change of outfit was in order. I was much happier with my second outfit anyways. The first one was try hardy.

I had to go down to the newsagency to get a tram ticket, which by the way cost me an absolute fortune for a weekly pass. Anyway, I also bought an "Empire" magazine and I was all excited because they had put an extra issue in there so I was getting two for the price of one. So I walk up to the counter and go to pay with my card, but of course the don't do credit, which is the only one my stupid debit card works with, so I had to trot back to Westpac and trot back with some cash, but they were all very nice.

So then I head back to the apartment because my Mum and Dad want to see me before I go. Luckily I checked the tram timetable because the next tram was at 10am and the next one would get me there too late.

So I bustle my arse to the apartment to find Mum and Dad out the front. I explain I have to get going, but they want to take a photo of me before I go because they have one for every year of my schooling career. Major embarrassment. So I quickly smile, give them a kiss on the cheek and head back to the tram stop.

While I was waiting (stupid trams always running late) this guy comes and sits on the seat and he looks just like this guy I know from Shepp. Like, dead ringer. So now I'm trying to slyly look at him as we get on. It wasn't him, but it took me so long to work that out that he was started to look at me weird. Luckily we were at Deakin by this point, so it didn't matter.

I love the Burwood campus. It really felt like home. I finally made my way through the crowds to my host program and sat down. I looked around at the people there and I couldn't help but think "really? you want to do drama?". I know that sounds awful, but none of them looked the type. I dunno, but I met some lovely people. Everyone was so nice and willing to chat. Absolutely loved it. I guess that's one nice thing about us drama geeks, we're all quiet loud, open and confident.

We took a tour of the campus, which was pointless because none of us could hear what our host had to say. It was kinda nice to just tune out though. Made me feel really good. Like I was back in high school.

After that I had to get my student id card because I wasn't there for enrolment. Bastards took the worst photo of me ever.

I then went to check out the social groups and all that. None took my fancy... Well there was one...Yes everyone, I am a member of the Deakin Glee Club!! HELLS YEAH!

After that I got on the tram for home, but I saw a Macca's on the way so I stopped there for lunch and read my Empire magazines. OH! By the way! The universe is trying to tell me something! You might recall earlier I mentioned that I got a second Empire magazine with my April issue... Well... When I bought it I couldn't see what the second one was. I opened it up and was so excited to find it was the issue about Sherlock Holmes. Beautiful pictures of RDJ! It's meant to be! LOL!

Um... what was I talking about?

Oh! Yeah so I ate my McD's and I felt guilty for it, so I walked home. Which wasn't too bad actually.

So I sat around in my apartment and watched "Game 6" for about an hour and then it was back to Deakin for a lecture. Major boredom. I left after the guy spoke about Drama.

That's what I love about Uni. It's your own responsibility. You can do what you want.

So yeah. After that Mum and Dad came to see me. They had bought me a surprise from their shopping travels. They got me this lovely office chair. It is bliss! So much more comfortable than the shitty broken one that came with this place. They also got me a beanbag! Bless! That's why I love them.

So my rents stayed for tea, then Mum and I watched Vampire Diaries.

So all in all, it was really quite a good day.

I can't wait for classes.