Ok, so I don't want to be the girl that whinges and whines, but I feel so down.
It's just come over me all of a sudden and I don't know whether I'm tired or hormonal or what it is, but it can just fuck off.
I'm just so alone. I mean, I have friends at uni and people who have moved here and stuff, but it's so fucking hard to get anywhere in Melbourne. I want a car, but no. My father says it's too dangerous. I'm gunna have to ride a tram at 9pm on a Sunday night with all my possessions by myself once a week and he's worried about me driving? And then there's the walk from the tram stop to my flat. Fuckin nice one Dad.
I feel like I'm struggling and I don't want to be struggling. I don't want to be the country girl who finds it hard in the big city. I've fucking wanted this since I was 11 and now I'm here and I feel like I can't do it.
And I'm too scared to even tell my parents that I'm having trouble adjusting because I don't want them to think I'm failing. They've given up so much for me to be here and I don't want to fuck it up on them. I'm the first Sangster to move to Melbourne and go to Uni. I'm the second Siely to move and go to Uni. Do you know what that pressure is like?
I just want a familiar environment. I mean, I love my little place. It's wonderful, I can do what I like, but sometimes I just want to sit on the couch or sleep in my own bed.
And I can't just see anybody at anytime or think "hmm, might just duck down the street" or "hmmm, might just go to the cinema". It's a fucking hour to get into the city. AN HOUR. On top of that I generally get travel sickness. I want that fucking car.
I hate this feeling.
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Aw. ): Don't worry, Monique. You'll settle down soon. And there's a cinema like a five minute tram ride away in Camberwell (: also, I think we should catch up or something.
ReplyDeleteAnd I was kind of sad to when I moved here, it was weird being at a new school and I didn't have anyone and I was scared about catching trains and stuff and embarrassed myself a few times because I didn't know how to open the doors. Sigh.
You'll get used to it soon enough! <3
I hope you're fine and dandy now because it's been a while since you wrote this blog.